Crisis communication is a part of culture. It’s in the news as the NFL tries to protect itself from the abusive behaviors of its players. It’s on television as fictional “fixers” on shows such as Scandal and Ray Donovan draw in large audiences. And it’s in our daily lives as we interact with significant others, friends, and the like. The commonality lies in the efforts to maintain an image, despite what recent evidence might prove otherwise. So even though our ex-boyfriends don’t have a million dollar empire to protect, they might have attempted to “spin” their way out of a crisis that was detrimental to our relationship. Let’s explore some of the image restoration tactics these guys use:
Bolstering – Bragging on his accomplishments and achievements compared to the crisis. So what he decided to go out with his friends instead of going with you to attend your best friend’s engagement party? He went with you to her birthday dinner two months ago, where he bought a new suit and picked you up even though you live thirty minutes away in the opposite direction because your car broke down. So basically, throwing the fact that he was a “good boyfriend” to you should excuse the fact that he wasn’t there.
Compensation – Awarding something to try to remedy the crisis that occurred. Did he take you out to dinner at a five-star restaurant after you confronted him about liking his ex’s #ThrowbackThursday photo of them at a concert last summer? Did you wake up to pair of BCBGs after he missed your graduation to go on a boys trip? The-Dream even released a single about this four years ago. This method attempts to apologize through the purchase of something nice in hopes that you’ll forget what happened.
Defeasibility – Whatever happened could not have been him because it doesn’t even sound like something he’d do. Was he caught at a restaurant with a girl by your friend when he told you he was with a sick relative? Why would he lie about his cousin being sick? Does your friend even have evidence that it was him? Or say someone told you they saw him smoking weed at a party. He say wasn’t him because he has asthma. Granted it could have been him and it probably was, he will forever deny it because it seems out of his character.
Displacement – Placing the blame on someone or something else. He didn’t come over when you were sick because his sister needed the car and she got back later than he expected. It’s his sister’s fault. Not his. Or if he missed your three consecutive phone calls, it is because his phone died. And he told you his phone was dying so it’s also your fault for draining his battery. Definitely not this, though.
Minimization – Making this situation not seem as serious as it is. So if he offended your parents the first time they met, who cares? He’s not dating them. He’s dating you. Minimization shows that you’re making a bigger deal out of whatever happened.
Transcendence – Downplaying the situation because there are other dire events going on. While you’re complaining about him not taking you out to dinner for your promotion, there are starving children in Africa. You’re upset that he forgot your birthday but unarmed Black men are getting shot and they don’t get to celebrate any more birthdays. So what are you mad about?
You see, the lies and excuses he told you were legitimate restoration tactics that even Olivia Pope is familiar with. Remember this next time he attempts to get out of a situation. Public relations professionals are prepared for moments like this, now you are too.